


Lost And Found

by ibelieve_whiteflag_aslansdefender



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguing, Arthur loves merlin, Awesome Gwen (Merlin), Car Accidents, Dark Arthur, Disability, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Guilty Arthur, Gwen cries, Gwen loves Merlin, Happy Ending, Mentions of past dark arthur, Merlin does not love Merlin, Merlin feels worthless, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Protective Gwen (Merlin), Redemption, References to Depression, Sad Merlin, Short One Shot, Survivor Guilt, Tears, arthur cries, past friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27794665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieve_whiteflag_aslansdefender/pseuds/ibelieve_whiteflag_aslansdefender
Summary: “You are a monster!”The words slipped out before she could stop them.Arthur’s eyes widened like she’d just slapped him. But Merlin’s words echoed in her head:  Gwen, he’s not a monster for not being able to handle my disability.And she didn’t regret them. They weren’t nearly enough.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), but platonically - Relationship, or can also be seen as pre-realationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	Lost And Found

**Author's Note:**

> Hi my Friends! I think I wrote this to be fairly non-triggering, but please read the tags just in case:)  
> All mistakes are my own and I am aware that they certainly exist. If anyone has any constructive criticisms, I'd be glad to hear them! All rights go to BBC's Merlin and I dearly wish I got paid for writing stories with their characters, but I do not. I hope you all have a peaceful and happy day!<3!!!

It hadn’t always been like this. She could still remember when everything had been right. When they’d spent the summers laughing about her awkward mistakes. And the stormy nights hiding under the quilts together; Arthur always pretending he was immune to their fear of the lightning. All the years they’d acted out those stories. Where Arthur was always the King and Merlin was always the sorcerer and she always saved the day. When Merlin’s smile could light up the world. When Arthur said he’d always protect them. When they’d foolishly believed him.

But then the accident happened. 

Merlin’s smile was dead now. Replaced by a thin, fragile ghost of a thing that stretched so big, so wide, but never reached the pain in his eyes. 

And she’d _tried and tried_ but there was nothing she could do to mend the damage Arthur’s betrayal had left in his wake. She watched helplessly as he slowly slipped away from her. As he grew so thin. As the shadows under his eyes began to look like bruises. As his eyes got sadder and sadder while his smile split wider and impossibly wider.

And eventually, he’d slipped so far away that she lost faith he’d ever come back.

Until the day she and Arthur were assigned to be partners and he walked up to her saying: ‘Hey, Guinevere’...

How dare he- _how dare he-?!_

Emotions exploded inside her -fire under her skin- her body spun instinctively.

Arthur doubled back as he saw her face. 

“Guinevere, are you oka-?”

“You are a _monster!_ ” The words slipped out before she could stop them. Arthur’s eyes widened like she’d just slapped him. But Merlin’s words echoed in her head: _Gwen, he’s not a monster for not being able to handle my disability_. 

And she didn’t regret them. They weren’t nearly enough.

“I hate you. And the worst part is that Merlin doesn’t.” _Sure, he acts like a Clotpole…_ her stomach clenched.

 _“_ After you crashed the car- after you crushed his spine!- after you ran like a coward when he needed you most- after he tried to follow and you called him all of those horrible _unspeakable_ things-he still doesn’t hate you!” _… but I get it._ _I’m a burden._ _I can’t blame him for not being able to bear the weight._

“ _He hates himself._ Because he believes _every word you’ve said._ ” She couldn’t see him anymore, just a blur of colors as her eyes filled with tears, and she wanted to stop now. She didn’t want to cry in front of him. But the words and the tears spilled out against her will. 

“And after everything you’ve done to him you still have the nerve to walk up to me and say ‘Hey Guinevere’?! What the heck do you expect me to say? ‘Hi, Arthur’? ‘Let’s ignore everything and work on the assignment’? ‘ _I’ve missed you?!_ ’” Her voice cracked.

“ _Because I have._ Because the sick, twisted part is that I still do. That even though _I hate you for how you’ve broken him,_ I still love you. I always will. Because you used to be my best friend.” A sob escaped her, her whole body trembled and the fire inside her died. She turned to escape to anywhere but here-

“Guinevere, wait!” -a hand shot out and latched onto her arm, spinning her back around. 

“Let go of me!” She squeaked, batting at his hand, fear sparking in her stomach.

“I-” His eyes landed on hers and he froze. The clouded with confusion for a second, but then understanding dawned and horror twisted his expression. He let go. Her hand shot to her arm and she stumbled away slowly, her eyes locked on him, every nerve in her body screaming to bolt. _Don’t turn your back don’t turn your back-_

“I’m not going to hurt you-” Arthur started softly, looking sick at the thought.

“I never would- I never meant... I never wanted this! You and Merlin were the best things in my life and after the accident- after he got hurt… - _when we didn’t know if he would_ \- and it was my fault! And I know I’ve been horrible, I thought it would hurt less if I stopped caring- I- I couldn’t lose him-” She stopped retreating, anger surging inside her, killing her fear.

“You think I wasn’t just as terrified of losing him as you were?! But the difference is that I stayed!”

Tears swam in his eyes, spilled down his cheeks, and a tiny part of herself felt a cruel satisfaction in that. _Good! He deserves to cry after all he’s done!_

But mostly she was just sad. Whoever would have thought it would end like this? Suddenly she was crying too.

For what they’d been before.

For what they’d become.

For what they’d lost in-between.

“We didn’t lose him because of the accident. _We lost him the day you betrayed him._ ”

Then she turned away. And this time he let her go.

***

Gwen sat at their usual lunch table, all signs of her tears scrubbed away because Merlin didn’t need any extra pain. She scanned the mass of students before her for the red balloon attached to Merlin’s backpack for this exact purpose. She saw it bobbing high in the air and she started in surprise. She craned for a better glimpse- how had he gotten it up so high? Her eyes found it again and her heart skipped a beat.

Time slammed to a stop.

The balloon was still attached to the backpack, but the backpack wasn’t sitting in Merlin’s lap. 

It was slung over Arthur’s shoulder. 

Arthur was carrying Merlin’s backpack. Pushing Merlin’s chair. 

She was on her feet before she even knew it, surging forward before she could stop herself- but then she saw Merlin’s face.

And that stopped her cold. 

Because he was smiling. 

A real, ear to ear, eyes sparkling, ‘there’s nothing to forgive’, lights up the world, _Merlin_ smile.

Arthur had brought Merlin back to her.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt for a writing contest whose rules were: it had to be a bullying story including: (the color) Red, Balloon, & Lightning, that was a maximum of 1000 words. I've never done a contest before, so I hope you will be forgiving of this stories flaws.  
> I do not support bullying of any kind. I believe that it is wrong and even if they have a reason to be lashing out, they have no right to do so and that there are better ways for them to receive support if it is needed. In this particular story, I tried to avoid detailed descriptions of the actual bullying, partly out of a lack of available words, partly because I don’t want to trigger anyone, and partly because I didn’t believe I could do it the justice that victims deserve to have it done. I also ended the story in a way that I neither condemn nor support in real life. It is probably not the healthiest situation, but if it is one that people do in actuality, I will not condemn them because I do not know their story. I wouldn’t have ended it like this, except that I felt it was the ending that was truest to the characters.


End file.
